"Why such bitterness?" I hear you cry. Well my children, with Christmas approaching I have (for the first time in what seems like an eternity) found myself with some money, donated by my lovely parents, to buy some nice clothes to wear over the festive season (and obviously, I could continue to wear them once the festive season has ended too). I thought to myself "Aha, now I can buy a nice new pair of jeans as my current ones have gone past that trendy 'worn and faded' look and now just look old and crappy."
Buying a pair of jeans sounds simple enough yes?
NO!
Because of course the bastards who make the jeans make them with tall, slender (probably blonde) models in mind. So even though the label says size 12 they're not really a real 12. Especially not in Gap. In fact, I find Gap racist towards bottoms.
I don't care how difficult it is for a skinny girl to find out that, on trying on the perfect party dress, she has no boobs/hips to fill it out. This pain is nothing compared to the agony felt by those who are more generously proportioned in the derriere area, who stand in the (badly lit) fitting room (which has really unflattering mirrors) doing battle with a zipper which should, but will not fasten and all the while cursing the name Beyonce and her mantra of "My body's too bootylicious for ya!" I've got news for you Bee, my body is NOT too bootylicious for anyone except this pair of skinnies, and quite frankly, that is not something I want to celebrate...
And even if skinny people do have to stuff their bras, they at least can ease the pain of this a little by going out and purchasing the gorgeous Topshop Boyfriend Jeans and then dancing about with them hanging sexily off their pert little butts, while I look on from the safety of my changing room cubicle and sob because no matter which way I stand, mine just look like I've got my boyfriend* still hiding inside of them.
*And I don't even have a boyfriend. Life sucks.
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